Contradiction..

life has been pretty diff frm the past..

was browsing thru my past entries and realise i lost that smile i saw on the photos..

guess the main culprit is nt my work, but rather the lifestyle, e ppl i hang out w..

if u ask me, its really been a long time since i felt happy and loved.

i was emtionally stirred when i read an entry of a fren. i felt envy, envy the person that i din even noe, that somehow, there is this man dreaming and yearning so much of her..


at times i felt i hated myself.

as i totally believe that I am solely responsible for the kind of life i live.
so at the end of the day, happy a not, i hav oni myself to blame..


but here's the ironic thing, i have always know what kind of lifestyle i wanna lead..

but i am nv close to that ~do i really need to find new sets of frens in order to achieve that??!!??

i know what is the ideal guy im looking for .. but to only find myself in another heartbreak.

all becos, im nv sticking to what i set.

y am i wasting time, gg on big rounds and nv finding the life i wanna lead..!


i certainly hope i can change things in time to come..